The stress

I haven't had much to say lately.  So stressed over the situation on finding my birth mother.  I know ppl that know the answers, but yet, they do not wish to share that with me.  They come up to me starting the conversations, basically telling me that they know.  Then when I ask them to specify information, they just stop.

Wow, life is just crazy sometimes.

It's so crazy.  I may have located my birth mom.  What is so strange, if it is her, I have known some of the family my whole life and had no clue!  I'm waiting on that phone call to see if the dates and stuff match up.  It's going to be a very long wait, I can already tell, but I am sure it will be worth the wait.  All of you that read my blog, please keep me in your mind and prayers, this will be a life changing experience!

I never have enough time!

No matter what I do or when I do it, it always seems like there is more to do than the time that I have.  It is starting to drive me insane!  I thought that when I quit working that I would have more time to get the stuff done that I needed to, without rushing around, or being late doing it.  Boy was I wrong!  It seems like to me that I have less time than ever to get stuff done.  I got to get up, feed the kids, clean up the mess, get them dressed, get myself dressed, make sure hubby has all he needs to go to work.  Then I gotta clean the house, wash the clothes, IRON the clothes, which I hate doing might I add......  Make sure the bills get paid.  When hubby gets his break or is off work for the night, of course he has to get some attention, that most of the time I don't even have the energy or desire for.  All the while, I have 2 screaming kids that do not want me to do any of it!  When can I get a break???  When can I have my time alone?  No one can understand this, unless they are a mother.  Whether they stay at home OR work, either way, there never is enough time.  Ya know, when I was working, it seemed like I did get a little more done, but the price to pay was the time with my kids.  I rushed them off to the sitters, then on lunch I could pay bills or run home and clean what I needed to clean, then when we got home in the evening, I would feed them, bath them, then put them to bed, BUT where was OUR time together?  We never had any.  So I do NOT regret quitting my job, even tho, now it seems I have less time than before.  I guess these are the prices you have to pay for motherhood!  :-)

This day is about over.

Sorry I don't have much exciting to tell you today.  The day is about over and all we have done so far is gone to the beach.  I suppose I could to a bit of gossip to add some drama to this, but, honestly, that's just not me.  I want you all to read this cause you are interested in what I have to say, not who I have to talk about.  Sorry for that.  So, that being said, I'm off to get the kids fed, washed and tucked in!

On Monday.

I am tireder than ever!!  We had a great family day yesterday, but I think it took way too much energy out of me!  I am currently recovering!

Our trip, later that day.

Well, the trip wasn't all that great.  But at least we got to spend the day together as a family!!  As far as that goes, today was totally awesome!  I do have to say, the falls were peaceful.  I wouldn't mind spending the day there with just the hubby or when the kids are older, but 1 and 3 year olds were a little much.  LOL!  Neither got their naps in so that made them fussy.  Then, my daughter was insisting on swimming with the alligators!  I mean, I could NOT convince her that that was a BAD idea!  That dang Dora the Explorer!  She supposedly said that the gators just smile at you.  She shouldn't false educate!!  LOL!  Oh well.  So we ahve decided to spend the night at a motel so my posts will have to continue tomorrow cuz texting it is just a bit much!  Have a great night!

 

Our trip

On our way to the State Park!  A day of family fun in the sun!  I just can't wait to have a wonderful day of relaxation.  Just wish my allergies weren't so bad right now!

Was I really like that?

OK, I'm not going to lie.  I have said that I did alot of partying in the past, but I'm not sure if I stressed how much I actually did.  It was ALOT.  I was watching ADDICTED the other night and this chick was hooked on HEROIN.  They even showed her shooting up.  The way she looked, when she was high, I know that look.  I have never used heroin not even once in my life, but the way she seemed like she felt, I remember looking, at least in my mind, how she did, feeling that same way.  I did use some things, mostly eXstasy.  That was my favorite anyways, among the other stuff that I did.  I absolutely LOVED it!  Before some of you out there start saying how stupid I am for my previous statement about the heroin, I am very well aware that X pills are either heroin or cocaine based.  I have never used heroin itself.  Like shot up or whatever else you can do with it.  NEVER, not even once.  Some would say, a drug is a drug none any worse than the other, they are all bad.(drugs are bad, mmmmkay?)  But when you are in that life, yea, there is a difference.  Myself, I would NEVER touch heroin or crack.  Anything like that was just the lowest of the low for me.  That's the stuff that people get hooked on, and go to trickin themselves for.  I couldn't see myself doing something like that.  Looking back though, I know quite a few people that tricked for pills and powder and other stuff like that, stuff that I did, that I payed for, cause I had a job and just payed for my habit.  I partied for 5 years maybe more, I never got addicted, I just liked what I did, and didn't want to stop.  When I met my hubby and we got pregnant and started our life, I just put it all down, now questions or thought about it again.  But back to the look of the heroin addict.  I remember feeling how she looked like she felt.  It actually made me sick to my stomach.  I thought I was going to throw up, to know that I had been where she was and I thought that she was far worse off than I had ever been.  I'm not saying that I looked down on her, more like, had pity for her.  It just seemed so sad.  In actuality, I was that girl at one point in my life.  The drugs didn't have a hold on me like they did on her, but they still had that hold, cause I had no desire to leave them.  IDK why I did them, nothing terrible or traumatic ever happened to me to cause me to start using.  I just did.  That was just what I did in my spare time for fun.  I enjoyed it.  I guess I'm just saying that I am glad that I am not in that place anymore.  As fun as it was at the time, was it really worth it?  To throw away so many years of my life?  Just to party?  All the people that I hurt?  I always told myself, it didn't affect anyone else, cause it was my life, not theirs, but now I know, I did hurt others.  My family and the people who truly care/cared about me.  That's who I hurt.  And in some ways, I hurt myself the most.  All for what?  A few years of partying and fun???   Now that I have changed my life, and I'm trying my best to live for Christ, how did all them years of partying benefit my eternal life?  It didn't.  I was just wasting my time.  I am very blessed to be alive today.  I know of at least 2 or 3 times, that I probably should have died, but all I can figure is that God had a better and bigger plan for me, so He just wouldn't allow me to leave out of this world like that.  I try to remember and thank Him every day for that.  I am thankful for my second chance, and my beautiful family.  I can only hope that I can be of some help to another soul who is out there and lost just like I was that is in the same boat that I was.  Just hanging out.. waiting for time to pass.  Hope that I may be the living proof that they may need that they can change and that there is something better out there than just going to parties and chasing that next high.  That is such an empty way to live.

The rain yesterday.

I just told a friend of mine yesterday that I'm finally over my cold.  Well, once again I am having a relapse of it.  I'm sure it is thanks to the rain that visited us yesterday.  I'm sure we needed the rain, but it could have just kept the colds to itself!!!!!

I knew it!!!!

This may be new to some of you, but I already knew this was going to happen......  U.S. forecaster sees increased 2010 hurricane threat!  Yep, that's right, just check out the link, it's from Yahoo!  The last storm I remember is when Opal came through, at least the last one here.  I was in high school at the time.  I'm kinda nervous about it though.  I don't want to loose my house!  I'm like 2 blocks from the water!  It could get pretty crucial this summer.  Someone told me it's cause of el niño.  I'm not so sure though.  It seems to me that everything is just getting bad everywhere.  The weather, the Earth.  Look at all the earthquakes that we have been having especially.  Maybe the Earth is trying to drop a little hint to everyone.  Maybe it's telling us we should slow down on all the stuff that isn't necessary.  All the ridiculous pollution, like the oil drills and stuff.  The world can only handle so much, then what shall we do?  Relocate to another planet just to ruin that one?  

Monday......

Today has been a beautiful and great day!  Spent the day with the kids, that was fun, did exercise class tonight, also fun.  We have a Dr. appointment to go to tomorrow morning, just a well check.  I'm sure it will all go fine.  Another earthquake hit yesterday.  It scares me to hear about these.  There have just been way too many, way too close together for me to be feeling comfortable about it.  Aftershocks are keeping people on edge, not that I can blame them too much.  If that isn't bad enough there was an explosion in the mines.  I remember years ago, there were several mines to collapse, it was so scary.  All you can do is just sit there and pray and worry.  I do hope that everyone is OK, the missing ones anyways.  
Doing my devotional, it was talking about faith.  I need to have more faith than what I have now.  I do have the faith that God is real, and that He helps me on a daily basis.  I honestly and truly believe that.  I don't have so much faith though, to just put everything over into His hands.  Not that I don't trust Him, I just worry too much about things.  I have been praying that that will get better and that I will learn how to totally turn everything over to Him.  The more the days go by, the better I think I am getting at it.  That is, because the more the days go by, the more that I see the world is just getting worse and worse.  It can't take too much more.  People are becoming more heartless and less caring everyday.  The world, nature itself, is protesting.  Look at all the bad weather, the floods, heavy snows, even the earthquakes.  It can't take much more.  I pray for this world daily, as well as myself.  Faith, in my opinion, is the ONLY thing that can get you through in this world today.  
Also, before I go tonight, I found something that I found to be quite interesting:8 Old Wives Tales

It was a great Easter.

Yesterday we spent the day at church, together as a family and at the beach.  We celebrated the fact the Jesus is ALIVE!  Death could not hold Him down!  He IS alive so that He can save us from our sins.  Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me, so that I will not be condemned but have eternal life with you, through you!

John 11:25
I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies........

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